Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Porn

Porn… there I said it. Porn, porn, porn, porn… it’s everywhere. It’s out of the closet. Christians finally are willing to talk about it. They have books everywhere, and advice galore. There’s only one problem… it doesn’t go away. Why do I look at it? I don’t know. It’s an easy question to ask… it’s easy to say, “don’t do it.” It’s easy to say, “I won’t do it,” but in the end I end up in the “bunny” section of Frye’s discreetly looking for a not so discreet title.

Yes, I’m disgusted with myself, but that doesn’t solve the problem either. It gets to the point that you don’t want to even ask God to forgive you anymore, because you feel bad for always coming back with the same sin. God has to be going, “GET IT TOGETHER ALREADY.” I have a detailed system to keep me away from it. I’ve thought through exactly how to make sure it the hardest possible thing for me to do. I seriously can’t think of a single way I could make it more difficult on myself to get porn… but somehow, someway I do it anyway. I’m so close to saying, “I’m sick of failing. I’ll just give in and accept it.” But I don’t want to accept it. I might fall many more times than 70 times 7, but no matter how many it is, I’m determined to rise up that number plus one.

No comments: